These days have been stressful. That's not to say they have been short of joys and blessings but stress continues to loom.
Some days I feel strong, grounded, firm in where I stand with total surrender and trust in God. Other days, its not that I don't trust but I want to stomp my feet like a small child and demand that we hear something NOW. There's been no news. The country Alyssa is in took a 2 day holiday on Thursday and Friday of last week. Today we are hoping that our facilitator will receive news today from the MOJ regarding our written referral, in the very least an answer as to why it wasn't signed last week and when it should be signed.
There is more going on than just the adoption stuff, so the stress I am feeling is definitely a combination of things. We are dealing with a battle with the school district over Marni's placement and grade.
I want her retained to first grade although preferably have her in full inclusion kindergarten, (but that's not going to happen) and I want her either in full inclusion with an aide and proper supports or in the other self-contained classroom that focuses more on academics (where Nadia is) than just life skills. It's extremely frustrating and stressful.
Between these IEP issues we are dealing with and waiting on adoption news, my stress level is pretty high right now. Oh and lets not forget I'm waiting to hear back about a phone call to "Flower's" foster mom about them helping us with her adoption.
I know God has a plan, I know He is all knowing and will work things out in His perfect timing but right now I'm in such an uncomfortable place...which is typical when you are being stretched, molded, refined.
Lord, I need some huge blessings and answers to prayer today...please!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Spring Formal 2012
Finally, an opportunity to share some pics from the homeschool spring formal with you. This year only Yana and Olya were homeschooled (since the start of second semester) but Anthony attended too, as all of my teens are friends with the kids in our homeschool group; Ivan opted out as dressing up and dancing are not things he enjoys.
Yana (16)
Olya (14) & Yana (16)
Olya, Anthony (16) & Yana
Anthony...he wanted to pick his own pose lol
Olya
The kids had a great time, as did I. I really enjoyed watching the kids dance, smile, and laugh together. It was REALLY cool to see that EVERY SINGLE KID got up to dance all of those group "line" dances.
What was the best though, was watching former orphans dressed up like princesses, dancing with their hands high in the air, with big bright smiles on their faces (my 2 girls were not the only ones). THAT just melted my heart. Oh how things have changed in their lives. We are all truly blessed!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
In the Ring!
Picture this...I'm standing in a boxing ring but I forget I am there until out of seemingly nowhere, I get clocked. A hard, swift punch to the side of my head knocks me off balance. My vision is blurred. My heart begins to race. What just happened?
As my vision begins to come back I see who is standing before me...I recognize him as the Enemy. I am frightened but only for a moment. I glance over to see Lord Jesus standing with me and I smile. I reach over and grab my pink boxing gloves :) and put them on, look Satan in the eye, smile, and say, "Bring it!"
I'm ready to fight. I know with Christ in my corner, I win. Winning for me is not about throwing a punch. No, I just need to stand firm believing that God's got this. The more I stand there and smile, the more Satan is weakened. I'm convinced I've won, and start to relax.
A little time goes by then BAM! Again, I am punched and for some reason I'm surprised. Had I forgotten I was standing in the boxing ring again? This time I get punched right in the gut and it knocks to wind out of me...I fall to the ground.
As I'm on my hands and knees gasping for air, I get kicked in the face. I'm bloody, bruised and hurting. I remember being hurt like this before and I believe I can't do this again. I try to lift my eyes to Christ. And although I KNOW He loves me, I'm His favorite, I can't help but feel like, "Why do you hate me?" I wrestle with these thoughts because I know it is not true. I know that it's Satan whispering lies to me but I'm so beaten that I can't break free from his whispers.
I stay on my hands and knees crying, "I can't get up! I can't do it!" My whimpers and tears continue until...
I hear a small still voice whisper, "Stand up!"
I think to myself, "I wish I could but I can't."
The voice whispers again, "Stand up! I know how this ends and we win. Grab my hand."
Finally, I lift my eyes to see Jesus kneeling beside me. My eyes meet His and I feel strength fill my body. I remember who I am fighting with. I look over and the Enemy is laughing. All of darkness is cheering...he thinks he's winning and he feels glorious.
Deep inside the fighter in me gets mad. How dare Satan take glory from this. Only God shall be glorified. Noway, will I let him even smirk at my pain.
I begin with a whisper, "Jesus."
Satan's laugh stops.
"Jesus"
He has now lost his smile.
My voice grows stronger, "Jesus!"
He steps back in fear.
"JESUS!" As I stand back up on my feet.
The disappointment and fear is clear as can be.
I'm standing. Bloody and bruised but I'm smiling. I look over at Jesus and He smiles back, winks at me and softly speaks, "I've got this!"
I look back at Satan and say, "Okay, Satan! Let's do this!!"
I lift my gloves up to fight.
Yesterday we learned that the other families in the group of referrals with ours received their written referrals and travel dates. We did not. We do not yet know why or when it will be signed. I want to get moving but I'm trusting God...even if we are waiting 2 more weeks. I don't like it, but I'm trusting.
It's amazing what prayer, fellowship, and how studying God's word can strengthen the soul.
As my vision begins to come back I see who is standing before me...I recognize him as the Enemy. I am frightened but only for a moment. I glance over to see Lord Jesus standing with me and I smile. I reach over and grab my pink boxing gloves :) and put them on, look Satan in the eye, smile, and say, "Bring it!"
I'm ready to fight. I know with Christ in my corner, I win. Winning for me is not about throwing a punch. No, I just need to stand firm believing that God's got this. The more I stand there and smile, the more Satan is weakened. I'm convinced I've won, and start to relax.
A little time goes by then BAM! Again, I am punched and for some reason I'm surprised. Had I forgotten I was standing in the boxing ring again? This time I get punched right in the gut and it knocks to wind out of me...I fall to the ground.
As I'm on my hands and knees gasping for air, I get kicked in the face. I'm bloody, bruised and hurting. I remember being hurt like this before and I believe I can't do this again. I try to lift my eyes to Christ. And although I KNOW He loves me, I'm His favorite, I can't help but feel like, "Why do you hate me?" I wrestle with these thoughts because I know it is not true. I know that it's Satan whispering lies to me but I'm so beaten that I can't break free from his whispers.
I stay on my hands and knees crying, "I can't get up! I can't do it!" My whimpers and tears continue until...
I hear a small still voice whisper, "Stand up!"
I think to myself, "I wish I could but I can't."
The voice whispers again, "Stand up! I know how this ends and we win. Grab my hand."
Finally, I lift my eyes to see Jesus kneeling beside me. My eyes meet His and I feel strength fill my body. I remember who I am fighting with. I look over and the Enemy is laughing. All of darkness is cheering...he thinks he's winning and he feels glorious.
Deep inside the fighter in me gets mad. How dare Satan take glory from this. Only God shall be glorified. Noway, will I let him even smirk at my pain.
I begin with a whisper, "Jesus."
Satan's laugh stops.
"Jesus"
He has now lost his smile.
My voice grows stronger, "Jesus!"
He steps back in fear.
"JESUS!" As I stand back up on my feet.
The disappointment and fear is clear as can be.
I'm standing. Bloody and bruised but I'm smiling. I look over at Jesus and He smiles back, winks at me and softly speaks, "I've got this!"
I look back at Satan and say, "Okay, Satan! Let's do this!!"
I lift my gloves up to fight.
Yesterday we learned that the other families in the group of referrals with ours received their written referrals and travel dates. We did not. We do not yet know why or when it will be signed. I want to get moving but I'm trusting God...even if we are waiting 2 more weeks. I don't like it, but I'm trusting.
It's amazing what prayer, fellowship, and how studying God's word can strengthen the soul.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
A Broken Heart & Mix of Emotions
I can't even fully wrap my mind around what I feel. I suppose the only thing I can really relate this kind of loss to is a death. I know, I know, it is different. Piper has hope, she's not gone, it is most likely a wonderful thing for her...yet still, loss is loss. Honestly, I'm even a bit suprised how grieved I am as I know loss in adoption all too well and with that knowledge, I try to hold back my emotions a bit until I have that child in my custody. Yet, I walk fully trusting God. Trusting the path I am on is where He has called me and trusting that if it leads somewhere other than where I thought or hoped, that He would hold my heart in His hand, healing any wounds I've endured. I still trust Him for that.
Yesterday, just like with other losses I've experienced (particularly deaths), I was hit with waves of emotion throughout the day. I'd be fine, then see her picture and tears would pour from my eyes. I'd be fine, then driving down the road, hear a song, and tears would pour from my eyes. I'd be fine, then I'd tell each one of my children and the tears would pour from my eyes. I'd be fine, then Nadia would cry out for the sister that grew in her heart, "but I don't want her to have another sister. I want her to be MY sister." and tears would pour from my eyes as we prayed for "Piper," Alyssa, "Flower," and God's peace for us.
Last night I dreamt of "Flower." How vivid the dream was. Oh how my heart was warmed when she confirmed that of course she still wanted us to adopt her. She was in our home. Then my morning clock alarm woke me and I was sad because she was gone...but otherwise, I was relatively "okay." As usual, I reached for my Blackberry and began deleting all the SPAM mail I received throughout the night, hoping for an email about a written referral and a travel date. I paused as I came across some SPAM mail that I often receive from some gaming site or something that we had long ago visited for Anthony. The only portion of the subject line I could read said "Flower for Prayer." My brain wasn't fully awake and I was confused. I wondered if I was getting some kind of SPAM mail that was being generated through my blog posts...that one made me think of my recent post "Praying for Flower." It wasn't. Once again, the tears poured from my eyes. Apparently I am still grieving today, not much has changed.
Yesterday as I drove in my car to Marni's IEP meeting (which went well but ended in disagreement about placement...now researching our rights and what I need to do next to fight this), I heard a quick word from one of my favorite bible teachers on the radio. He spoke of God's promises and how its all about God's timing. I instantly thought of "Flower." I'm pretty certain that this recent loss is made 100 times worse having experienced the loss of "Flower." It makes me yearn for her so much more. My emotions seem raw and my heart just seems to plead to God for her homecoming even as I write this and other words are coming to my mind.
I want so badly to not go another week without a travel date to meet Alyssa. I feel like I need to go there now and hold her. I'm scared my emotions are so strong that I will be afraid to let go. I know I need to trust God, but human emotions still exist. And yet, I'm bothered by the fact that I won't truly be able to celebrate any travel date news like I should because of the ache in my heart right now...and that brings me back to Nadia's adoption. We were supposed to be adopting "Flower" too but it was clear we would not be. It was sad how Dan and I boarded our flight for Ukraine and the excitement we experienced when going to adopt Yana was not there...we were just going through the motions. We felt guilty. We knew we wanted Nadia and that God had called us to adopt her, but our hearts were so broken over "Flower." I felt like our joy of that adoption "labor" was stolen from us, it seemed unfair to us and to Nadia. Of course when we finally met Nadia, all of that changed. We were so overjoyed to be with her and love her forever, that we were able to set our heartache aside for a while. I really hope that it won't take me until I am holding Alyssa for me to feel some kind of healing. I'm not likely to be headed to see her next week...but I pray so.
Lord, hold me now!
Yesterday, just like with other losses I've experienced (particularly deaths), I was hit with waves of emotion throughout the day. I'd be fine, then see her picture and tears would pour from my eyes. I'd be fine, then driving down the road, hear a song, and tears would pour from my eyes. I'd be fine, then I'd tell each one of my children and the tears would pour from my eyes. I'd be fine, then Nadia would cry out for the sister that grew in her heart, "but I don't want her to have another sister. I want her to be MY sister." and tears would pour from my eyes as we prayed for "Piper," Alyssa, "Flower," and God's peace for us.
Last night I dreamt of "Flower." How vivid the dream was. Oh how my heart was warmed when she confirmed that of course she still wanted us to adopt her. She was in our home. Then my morning clock alarm woke me and I was sad because she was gone...but otherwise, I was relatively "okay." As usual, I reached for my Blackberry and began deleting all the SPAM mail I received throughout the night, hoping for an email about a written referral and a travel date. I paused as I came across some SPAM mail that I often receive from some gaming site or something that we had long ago visited for Anthony. The only portion of the subject line I could read said "Flower for Prayer." My brain wasn't fully awake and I was confused. I wondered if I was getting some kind of SPAM mail that was being generated through my blog posts...that one made me think of my recent post "Praying for Flower." It wasn't. Once again, the tears poured from my eyes. Apparently I am still grieving today, not much has changed.
Yesterday as I drove in my car to Marni's IEP meeting (which went well but ended in disagreement about placement...now researching our rights and what I need to do next to fight this), I heard a quick word from one of my favorite bible teachers on the radio. He spoke of God's promises and how its all about God's timing. I instantly thought of "Flower." I'm pretty certain that this recent loss is made 100 times worse having experienced the loss of "Flower." It makes me yearn for her so much more. My emotions seem raw and my heart just seems to plead to God for her homecoming even as I write this and other words are coming to my mind.
I want so badly to not go another week without a travel date to meet Alyssa. I feel like I need to go there now and hold her. I'm scared my emotions are so strong that I will be afraid to let go. I know I need to trust God, but human emotions still exist. And yet, I'm bothered by the fact that I won't truly be able to celebrate any travel date news like I should because of the ache in my heart right now...and that brings me back to Nadia's adoption. We were supposed to be adopting "Flower" too but it was clear we would not be. It was sad how Dan and I boarded our flight for Ukraine and the excitement we experienced when going to adopt Yana was not there...we were just going through the motions. We felt guilty. We knew we wanted Nadia and that God had called us to adopt her, but our hearts were so broken over "Flower." I felt like our joy of that adoption "labor" was stolen from us, it seemed unfair to us and to Nadia. Of course when we finally met Nadia, all of that changed. We were so overjoyed to be with her and love her forever, that we were able to set our heartache aside for a while. I really hope that it won't take me until I am holding Alyssa for me to feel some kind of healing. I'm not likely to be headed to see her next week...but I pray so.
Lord, hold me now!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sad News for us (adoption related)
This morning I was hoping to get an email hearing about our travel dates. Instead I received one from our agency that they needed to urgently speak with me. Then the news came. We have lost Piper's referral. :(
I am heartbroken, sad, and grieving, but at the same time, can't get carried away with these emotions because of the reason for our loss...her birthparents have returned for her! How wonderful for her! I wish I knew the story. Where have they been? What happened in their lives that brought them back? I am VERY hopeful that this is not a lousy parent situation that is just going to give it a try and toss her out. I just think (for whatever reason), that this is God working in their lives and truly is a wonderful for thing for all of them.
So where does that leave us? We are told that if we decide quickly, we can add another child. Wow, a decision like that rarely can happen quickly. I think there has only been one other child listed that we could have quickly, and easily decided to add...I truly want her in our lives to love, I just didn't necessarily believe God was calling us to be her parents. And now her mama is coming for her and she will be in our lives! I am so excited about that. I say all of that to say, that she isn't meant to be ours either and perhaps we are meant to just adopt Alyssa this time.
It's difficult. We've been preparing for these 2 girls. Thinking about just getting one feels like we are missing a piece to our puzzle, something is not right. And to think how many special needs orphans there have got to be there that need a family, how can we just adopt one when we were so ready to adopt 2?
We need prayer, wisdom and healing!
And now I'm supposed to wrap my mind around Marni's IEP meeting today. *sigh* I need to focus!
I am heartbroken, sad, and grieving, but at the same time, can't get carried away with these emotions because of the reason for our loss...her birthparents have returned for her! How wonderful for her! I wish I knew the story. Where have they been? What happened in their lives that brought them back? I am VERY hopeful that this is not a lousy parent situation that is just going to give it a try and toss her out. I just think (for whatever reason), that this is God working in their lives and truly is a wonderful for thing for all of them.
So where does that leave us? We are told that if we decide quickly, we can add another child. Wow, a decision like that rarely can happen quickly. I think there has only been one other child listed that we could have quickly, and easily decided to add...I truly want her in our lives to love, I just didn't necessarily believe God was calling us to be her parents. And now her mama is coming for her and she will be in our lives! I am so excited about that. I say all of that to say, that she isn't meant to be ours either and perhaps we are meant to just adopt Alyssa this time.
It's difficult. We've been preparing for these 2 girls. Thinking about just getting one feels like we are missing a piece to our puzzle, something is not right. And to think how many special needs orphans there have got to be there that need a family, how can we just adopt one when we were so ready to adopt 2?
We need prayer, wisdom and healing!
And now I'm supposed to wrap my mind around Marni's IEP meeting today. *sigh* I need to focus!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
An Amazing Discovery & More!
First off, I can't believe how much continues to happen that I want to share that I haven't yest uploaded pictures from my teen Spring Formal or Olya's 15th birthday yet! Hopefully all of that will come soon!
This post will first be an update about our incredible Marni (6yrs old, with Ds, home from Ukraine since Oct 2010). Marni is a VERY energetic, loving, funny, clever, and super-fast little girl. In Ukraine she was in a not so wonderful orphanage, grouped with a bunch of non-verbal kids (I wonder how those kids would be in a healthier environment). So Marni came to us non-verbal and bouncing off the walls. Some of you may remember that she was also seriously medicated...which we weaned her from immediately. Like normal, we really didn't have much of an idea of Marni's capabilities. However, as soon as she came home, she revealed some abilities that showed us that she would be doing soooo much more if she had spent the 1st 5 years of her life in a better environment. Nearly 3 weeks after coming home, I made everyone in our family stop speaking Russian to her because it was evident she understood our English. She is the ONLY one of my 5 that I felt that way about that early on!
We began teaching her sign language with the help of the Baby Signing Time videos we borrowed from the library. SHE IS SUCH A SPONGE with that stuff!! The very first time I sat down to teach her colors and signs, she began to pick up on it. It was incredible!
Marni is a true problem solver. Not to compare my kids, but aside from Nadia's CP, most people who meet Nadia see her as a "typical" child...and in most ways she is. But let me tell you something, Marni can seriously out problem solve Nadia by miles! If you don't know my kids, you would not see how that is possible. Nadia has wonderful verbal communication and is very articulate, and Marni's cognitively disabilities seem glaringy being that she has the face of Down syndrome and does not have but maybe a dozen spoken words (although hardly ever quiet), but do not underestimate Marni...and many people do, until they really spend time with her.
This school year, I believe she was placed in the wrong classroom setting. Last year we loosely home schooled her since she was newly home. She actually picked up on so much just from exposure more than instruction. We had a horrific experience at the start of the school year at the charter school (discrimination) and were just so thankful when we felt loved and cared for in our local public school system. They weren't sure which self- contained classroom would suit her best, and unfortunately looking at things now, it is very evident that the choice was wrong.
Marni was placed in a class with other non-verbal kids. She learned more last year at home by exposure than she has in this class. Now that it is time to redo the IEPs for next school year, I am prepared to request full inclusion. She needs exposure! And with the RIGHT supports, she will blow everyone's mind in that setting.
Of course I feel like some people in the school system are looking at me like I have2 heads. The IEP draft I received last week seriously lacks academic goals. It's infuriating! So my instincts (or more likely, wisdom from God as I've been praying about this) told me she could probably learn to read sight words with the use of sign language. I was ready to experiment. Well, 15 with 3 words and she got it! You read that right! And no fluke, I tested her the next morning and she got them right. I sent a note to school and they tested her, she got them right every time. They said they worked on 2 more words (I wish I knew which 2) and she got those too! That's 5 words in under 24 hours!! This weekend we are working on 8 words (including the 3 I originally taught her). While she hasn't mastered them all, she is doing amazingly well!
I never want to judge her by her intelligence, so please do not mistake my excitement. My excitement is because we now have more proof to back up what we've been saying all along, she is capable of more! She is frustrated with people acting like she is not smart. She really is a smart cookie!
So our IEP meeting is tomorrow, prayerfully the team will be willing to listen to my thoughts and ideas a bit more. It was a mistake to not be more assertive with what I believed was best fro Marni. This time will be different.
In other news, thanks to some amazing people, we had a successful adoption fundraiser yard sale yesterday! We were able to raise $250 towards Alyssa and Piper's adoption!!
Also, this past week I went to see a few of my doctors. No one is incredibly concerned with this blood clot but obviously they need to take care of it. So I had 14 vials of blood drawn to test for blood clotting disorders; we should get the results later in the week. I can't be put on blood thinners until they check some other things on June 6th but likely I will be on blood thinners for 3 months and we won't know why I got the clot. Unfortunately, I will like be taking blood thinner shots! Ouch! I can't even think about it right now.
In more exciting news, we are told there is good reason to believe that early this week we should learn of our travel date!! So in a day, or 2, or 3 should be booking flights!!! I can't wait! Olya is incredibly excited too! Please keep praying! We are closer to meeting our financial need to this phase of the adoption but still so very far. We still need about $5,700 more for our agency fee! God WILL provide!
(sorry, no time for spell check, etc)
This post will first be an update about our incredible Marni (6yrs old, with Ds, home from Ukraine since Oct 2010). Marni is a VERY energetic, loving, funny, clever, and super-fast little girl. In Ukraine she was in a not so wonderful orphanage, grouped with a bunch of non-verbal kids (I wonder how those kids would be in a healthier environment). So Marni came to us non-verbal and bouncing off the walls. Some of you may remember that she was also seriously medicated...which we weaned her from immediately. Like normal, we really didn't have much of an idea of Marni's capabilities. However, as soon as she came home, she revealed some abilities that showed us that she would be doing soooo much more if she had spent the 1st 5 years of her life in a better environment. Nearly 3 weeks after coming home, I made everyone in our family stop speaking Russian to her because it was evident she understood our English. She is the ONLY one of my 5 that I felt that way about that early on!
We began teaching her sign language with the help of the Baby Signing Time videos we borrowed from the library. SHE IS SUCH A SPONGE with that stuff!! The very first time I sat down to teach her colors and signs, she began to pick up on it. It was incredible!
Marni is a true problem solver. Not to compare my kids, but aside from Nadia's CP, most people who meet Nadia see her as a "typical" child...and in most ways she is. But let me tell you something, Marni can seriously out problem solve Nadia by miles! If you don't know my kids, you would not see how that is possible. Nadia has wonderful verbal communication and is very articulate, and Marni's cognitively disabilities seem glaringy being that she has the face of Down syndrome and does not have but maybe a dozen spoken words (although hardly ever quiet), but do not underestimate Marni...and many people do, until they really spend time with her.
This school year, I believe she was placed in the wrong classroom setting. Last year we loosely home schooled her since she was newly home. She actually picked up on so much just from exposure more than instruction. We had a horrific experience at the start of the school year at the charter school (discrimination) and were just so thankful when we felt loved and cared for in our local public school system. They weren't sure which self- contained classroom would suit her best, and unfortunately looking at things now, it is very evident that the choice was wrong.
Marni was placed in a class with other non-verbal kids. She learned more last year at home by exposure than she has in this class. Now that it is time to redo the IEPs for next school year, I am prepared to request full inclusion. She needs exposure! And with the RIGHT supports, she will blow everyone's mind in that setting.
Of course I feel like some people in the school system are looking at me like I have2 heads. The IEP draft I received last week seriously lacks academic goals. It's infuriating! So my instincts (or more likely, wisdom from God as I've been praying about this) told me she could probably learn to read sight words with the use of sign language. I was ready to experiment. Well, 15 with 3 words and she got it! You read that right! And no fluke, I tested her the next morning and she got them right. I sent a note to school and they tested her, she got them right every time. They said they worked on 2 more words (I wish I knew which 2) and she got those too! That's 5 words in under 24 hours!! This weekend we are working on 8 words (including the 3 I originally taught her). While she hasn't mastered them all, she is doing amazingly well!
I never want to judge her by her intelligence, so please do not mistake my excitement. My excitement is because we now have more proof to back up what we've been saying all along, she is capable of more! She is frustrated with people acting like she is not smart. She really is a smart cookie!
So our IEP meeting is tomorrow, prayerfully the team will be willing to listen to my thoughts and ideas a bit more. It was a mistake to not be more assertive with what I believed was best fro Marni. This time will be different.
In other news, thanks to some amazing people, we had a successful adoption fundraiser yard sale yesterday! We were able to raise $250 towards Alyssa and Piper's adoption!!
Also, this past week I went to see a few of my doctors. No one is incredibly concerned with this blood clot but obviously they need to take care of it. So I had 14 vials of blood drawn to test for blood clotting disorders; we should get the results later in the week. I can't be put on blood thinners until they check some other things on June 6th but likely I will be on blood thinners for 3 months and we won't know why I got the clot. Unfortunately, I will like be taking blood thinner shots! Ouch! I can't even think about it right now.
In more exciting news, we are told there is good reason to believe that early this week we should learn of our travel date!! So in a day, or 2, or 3 should be booking flights!!! I can't wait! Olya is incredibly excited too! Please keep praying! We are closer to meeting our financial need to this phase of the adoption but still so very far. We still need about $5,700 more for our agency fee! God WILL provide!
(sorry, no time for spell check, etc)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
His Favorite
On Tuesday evenings I join the ladies of our church for bible study. Currently we are working through Breaking Free with Beth Moore. Last week one of the ladies said something that resonated with me throughout the week. She simply said, "Do you ever feel like your [God's] favorite?"
Inside my head and heart I instantly shouted, "Yes! Yes, I absolutely do!"
While I never put any thought to it, although that seems so silly to me now, anyone who has experienced the fullness of God's love on this side of Heaven must know how it feels to be His favorite...because you are!
This week, as this truth continued to me impressed upon my heart, this same beautiful woman in our bible study spoke about asking God to help her to see her husband how He sees him. Wow! I never thought of that. I've asked God to help me love my husband and children as He does but never thought to ask to see them as He does.
As I prayed and meditated on these things last night, several things came to me. If we are all God's favorite, then when I react rather than respond, or am impatient or irritable with my family, I am being this way to God's favorite. That realization was so powerful to me.
It's not that I didn't know that God loves and adores them, of course I did. But maybe it wasn't as comprehensible to me just knowing that as it is to realize these are more than His precious children, they are His favorites!
So as I continue to now pray that God will help me to see my family as He sees them (and as His favorite), I pray that they will see each other the same way. I can't help be be excited about what God could do with such openness and prayer like this.
Something very important I mustn't leave out is that Beth Moore also spoke of major trials and people feeling like, "But God! I thought I was your favorite!" Because the truth is trials will happen, even to His favorite, as He refines us.
I am incredibly thankful that I am not just drifting through life and thinking I'm fine the way I am...nor am I self-bashing and hating on myself. Instead, God has placed a deep, genuine desire to continue to grow as a person spiritually. I recognized this desire years before I recognized Jesus. I want to be the best version of me I can possibly be on this earth. That's not to say I haven't accepted myself, that I'm unhappy with myself, or that I want to be someone else. To the contrary! I am filled with great joy over what the Lord has already done in my heart and am so excited to catch glimpses of Jesus in me, that I can't help but want to continue to grow to be that person, shedding the old.
I pray that these realizations about God's favorite and prayers to see others as He sees them will only continue to grow me as He would so desire.
Inside my head and heart I instantly shouted, "Yes! Yes, I absolutely do!"
While I never put any thought to it, although that seems so silly to me now, anyone who has experienced the fullness of God's love on this side of Heaven must know how it feels to be His favorite...because you are!
This week, as this truth continued to me impressed upon my heart, this same beautiful woman in our bible study spoke about asking God to help her to see her husband how He sees him. Wow! I never thought of that. I've asked God to help me love my husband and children as He does but never thought to ask to see them as He does.
As I prayed and meditated on these things last night, several things came to me. If we are all God's favorite, then when I react rather than respond, or am impatient or irritable with my family, I am being this way to God's favorite. That realization was so powerful to me.
It's not that I didn't know that God loves and adores them, of course I did. But maybe it wasn't as comprehensible to me just knowing that as it is to realize these are more than His precious children, they are His favorites!
So as I continue to now pray that God will help me to see my family as He sees them (and as His favorite), I pray that they will see each other the same way. I can't help be be excited about what God could do with such openness and prayer like this.
Something very important I mustn't leave out is that Beth Moore also spoke of major trials and people feeling like, "But God! I thought I was your favorite!" Because the truth is trials will happen, even to His favorite, as He refines us.
I am incredibly thankful that I am not just drifting through life and thinking I'm fine the way I am...nor am I self-bashing and hating on myself. Instead, God has placed a deep, genuine desire to continue to grow as a person spiritually. I recognized this desire years before I recognized Jesus. I want to be the best version of me I can possibly be on this earth. That's not to say I haven't accepted myself, that I'm unhappy with myself, or that I want to be someone else. To the contrary! I am filled with great joy over what the Lord has already done in my heart and am so excited to catch glimpses of Jesus in me, that I can't help but want to continue to grow to be that person, shedding the old.
I pray that these realizations about God's favorite and prayers to see others as He sees them will only continue to grow me as He would so desire.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Funds Status
Praise Jesus, God continues to work in the hearts of His people to contribute to Alyssa and Piper's ransom. This week we've received $440 in donations! I cannot say THANK YOU enough!
At this point we have (including our Reeces Rainbow grant) $5,000 raised towards this next phase in the adoption process. By my estimation, that means we should now have enough to cover plane tickets, food, lodging, travel insurance and visas for both girls. We now need to pray for the $6,000 in agency fees due at the time of travel. It's a large amount of money, I have no idea where it will come from or when, but we are continuing to move forward in faith believing that the Lord will provide. We are so hopeful that we will learn of our travel dates this coming week and will be able to book our flights over to meet the girls.
Please continue to lift Alyssa and Piper's adoption in prayer. The enemy will continue to be at work this week, no doubt, but I'm determined to stand strong in Christ and show Him how God's people will prevail! Please consider standing with us!
In His mighty arms,
M
At this point we have (including our Reeces Rainbow grant) $5,000 raised towards this next phase in the adoption process. By my estimation, that means we should now have enough to cover plane tickets, food, lodging, travel insurance and visas for both girls. We now need to pray for the $6,000 in agency fees due at the time of travel. It's a large amount of money, I have no idea where it will come from or when, but we are continuing to move forward in faith believing that the Lord will provide. We are so hopeful that we will learn of our travel dates this coming week and will be able to book our flights over to meet the girls.
Please continue to lift Alyssa and Piper's adoption in prayer. The enemy will continue to be at work this week, no doubt, but I'm determined to stand strong in Christ and show Him how God's people will prevail! Please consider standing with us!
In His mighty arms,
M
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Putting on My Boxing Gloves
If we are friends on Facebook, there is a good chance you noticed some drama happening yesterday evening and my urgent call for prayer. I didn't explain what was really going on there, but I will attempt to here. My purpose for doing so is not only to remain transparent, but hopefully, to have others join us in prayer...may God's light exude from each one of us. May God's glory be seen by all. May Satan cower and shiver in his boots, just as he should.
Without writing a novel, I will share a brief background about my health, but first let me say a few things so it is absolutely clear because it is extremely important. I am not medically fragile. I have a normal life expectancy. I am not sickly nor do we have any reason to believe that I will continue to have health problems. My doctors have absolutely no hesitations giving their approval and support to live life to the fullest, and I do have a team of doctors I rotate through regularly to make sure we miss nothing.
With that said, if you have not been following my blog from back in 2007/2008, you may have missed my few months with a rare cancer. It was a very slow growing cancer and of this rare cancer, I had the rarest of the various kinds. I had major surgery and have been considered "cured" since. I get regular scans and labs done as prescribed by my Oncologist, have the best surgeon in the world for the kind of surgery I had (the Whipple procedure) and have a gifted Endocrinologist who specializes in he rare cancer I had. I have been NED (No Evidence of Disease) for 4 years now.
Not sure if I posted about it on this blog but probably posted something on FB in late Aug. 2010 on my way to adopt Marni, I had an awful, painful attack and sickness with no real explanation. I made it through but then dealt with several more over the next few months. This eventually led me back to my surgeon who discovered scar tissue in my bile duct that was causing a stricture.
So this time last year a drain was placed in through my side, and into my bile duct. due to the major surgery, it is the only way to access the area. The drain started small (although incredibly painful) and they increased the drain size about 4 different times). The idea was to stretch the scar tissue. I was supposed to keep it for months and live relatively normal with this drain hanging out the size, but once again I'm rare. I had so many complications. I'm pretty certain my body was fighting the invasion. I was sick, sick, sick, in terrible pain and got infection and weird symptoms after weird symptoms. After 3 months and lots of doctors trying to figure out why it was so difficult for me, we insisted it be removed...it seemed to be killing me. They removed it without hesitation, believing that 3 months could have been long enough.
I began to return to normal ALMOST IMMEDIATELY after it was removed. That was after 3 long months in bed practically. All was good until about a month later I started getting pain "attacks" again. They aren't as bad but still painful. They don't last 12-15 hours like before the drain but 15-30 min. I would not have any for a few weeks, then spend a week having repeat attacks. No answers.
I ended up finding a group of people of FB who have had the same surgery for various reasons that have these same attacks, and no doctor knows why. The thinking is that it is a spasm due to possible nerve damage from the surgery. Not life threatening but annoying and frustrating, to say the least.
I received anti-spasm medicine made specifically for targeting stomach and gastrointestinal spasms. When I have an attack I take one. Sometimes they help almost immediately. Other times they seem to take forever to work (10 min is too long) and other times I wonder if they are even working at all when it takes longer than 10-15 min. I found through my own research that Valerian Root (an herbal supplement) is a natural anti-spasm herb for the same thing as the meds. It makes me tired so I take it at night before bed. But it seems to decrease the amount of attacks I have. I have recently gone probably one month without any, but I'm in my hell week now (multiple attacks pretty much daily).
As normal I have been seeing my doctors and having my routine labs and scans completed. The cancer I had does not have cancer markers to track but could potentially secrete hormones, so they test for those. Although there are several hormones it could secrete, the tumor I had did not secrete any. There is still the possibility that if another tumor began to grow, it could secrete hormones, so they test for those. One of those hormones came up higher than normal recently. They retested and same result. I am waiting to hear what they think. It is likely due to the meds I take for acid reflux (which resulted from the initial surgery), so I'm not real concerned, nor are the doctors, but it certainly added to my almost freak out yesterday...I'm about to further explain.
So on Monday of this week I went for my routine MRI. We never expect to see anything. I initially seemed to have some post traumatic stress from my original diagnosis and experience, but have really gotten past that for the most part. So Kristin (my bff) and I went to the scan and out to lunch as if it were any other day away from the kids (ha ha! That hardly ever happens except for trips to the doctor like this...so we take full advantage).
Well, yesterday evening I received a phone call from my Oncologist. In short they found a blood clot in my hepatic vein (in my liver) on the MRI. Its called Budd-Chiari Syndrome (all blood clots there are diagnosed with this syndrome). She mentioned blood thinners but had concerned because I recently had bleeding that we were not able to conclude why. Of course, I don't just want to be put on blood thinners!
So while this may have absolutely nothing to due with any of my other medical annoyances, they pile up and can freak me out. I've been through so much.
At this point, without major liver damage or multiple blood clots, etc. it is NOT life threatening. Unlike most blood clots, there is no concern here that this could shoot up to my head, heart, lungs, or whatever and take me out. However, we have no idea why I have it yet and it must be taken care of.
So, next week I will see my gastro doc. He said he will probably schedule testing to rule out an intestinal bleeding and my oncologist will run some labs to check for any blood clotting disorders, and I assume check liver enzymes, etc.
Naturally, this whole thing began to freak me out and I cried out to my friends and family for prayer via Facebook and text. And I got it!! (THANK YOU!) As I headed to women's bible study shortly after receiving this news and beginning to panic, I fellowshipped with God and everything changed. Those prayer for peace were answered. Here is what I KNOW....
I KNOW....God is doing glorious things in our lives
I KNOW....that many people are watching what God is doing in our lives
I KNOW....that adopting 2 more special needs orphans and the enemy is MAD! (I am referring to them as orphans here strictly to make my point that they are currently Satans POWs)
I KNOW...that God's work is not done in this adoption and those huge mountains before us are crumbling at even a faster rate than before.
This is a spiritual battle. I can't expect to step out in faith in such a big way, and so publicly and not find ourselves under attack! Satan wants to discourage. He wants to derail. He wants us to curse and blame God. He wants us to turn our back on God.
INSTEAD, however....MANY people bowed their heads and prayed to God for me last night.
INSTEAD....I ran to God
INSTEAD....God's peace and light became more evident
INSTEAD....I put on my boxing gloves and told him to bring it!!
Here was my Facebook status last night:
"Change of plans. There will be no freak out happening. My God has got this! I've put on my boxing gloves and am ready for a throw down with the enemy who obviously is fearing the glorious things my God is doing and about to do in our lives and in the lives of orphans. I know who wins this battle. I know whose side I'm on. Bring it!"
Perhaps Satan sees what is happening in Ukraine with "Flower" as God prepares the way for us. Perhaps Satan sees the approvals happening in Eastern Europe for Alyssa and Piper. Perhaps Satan sees what people are doing to help in the girls' journey home as God prepares their hearts. Perhaps Satan sees the MANY people praying over this adoption, and the faith that is growing in other believers to step out and to trust Him. Perhaps Satan has picked up on how God has been faithful every time and it will be know different this time. Perhaps Satan knows, by what he sees happening, that the mountains before us are about to be obliterated before our eyes.
Today, I'm not scared. It won't work. Today I am determined to disappoint Satan. Nice try, but Gods got this!
(sorry for any typos, no time for spell check!) :)
Without writing a novel, I will share a brief background about my health, but first let me say a few things so it is absolutely clear because it is extremely important. I am not medically fragile. I have a normal life expectancy. I am not sickly nor do we have any reason to believe that I will continue to have health problems. My doctors have absolutely no hesitations giving their approval and support to live life to the fullest, and I do have a team of doctors I rotate through regularly to make sure we miss nothing.
With that said, if you have not been following my blog from back in 2007/2008, you may have missed my few months with a rare cancer. It was a very slow growing cancer and of this rare cancer, I had the rarest of the various kinds. I had major surgery and have been considered "cured" since. I get regular scans and labs done as prescribed by my Oncologist, have the best surgeon in the world for the kind of surgery I had (the Whipple procedure) and have a gifted Endocrinologist who specializes in he rare cancer I had. I have been NED (No Evidence of Disease) for 4 years now.
Not sure if I posted about it on this blog but probably posted something on FB in late Aug. 2010 on my way to adopt Marni, I had an awful, painful attack and sickness with no real explanation. I made it through but then dealt with several more over the next few months. This eventually led me back to my surgeon who discovered scar tissue in my bile duct that was causing a stricture.
So this time last year a drain was placed in through my side, and into my bile duct. due to the major surgery, it is the only way to access the area. The drain started small (although incredibly painful) and they increased the drain size about 4 different times). The idea was to stretch the scar tissue. I was supposed to keep it for months and live relatively normal with this drain hanging out the size, but once again I'm rare. I had so many complications. I'm pretty certain my body was fighting the invasion. I was sick, sick, sick, in terrible pain and got infection and weird symptoms after weird symptoms. After 3 months and lots of doctors trying to figure out why it was so difficult for me, we insisted it be removed...it seemed to be killing me. They removed it without hesitation, believing that 3 months could have been long enough.
I began to return to normal ALMOST IMMEDIATELY after it was removed. That was after 3 long months in bed practically. All was good until about a month later I started getting pain "attacks" again. They aren't as bad but still painful. They don't last 12-15 hours like before the drain but 15-30 min. I would not have any for a few weeks, then spend a week having repeat attacks. No answers.
I ended up finding a group of people of FB who have had the same surgery for various reasons that have these same attacks, and no doctor knows why. The thinking is that it is a spasm due to possible nerve damage from the surgery. Not life threatening but annoying and frustrating, to say the least.
I received anti-spasm medicine made specifically for targeting stomach and gastrointestinal spasms. When I have an attack I take one. Sometimes they help almost immediately. Other times they seem to take forever to work (10 min is too long) and other times I wonder if they are even working at all when it takes longer than 10-15 min. I found through my own research that Valerian Root (an herbal supplement) is a natural anti-spasm herb for the same thing as the meds. It makes me tired so I take it at night before bed. But it seems to decrease the amount of attacks I have. I have recently gone probably one month without any, but I'm in my hell week now (multiple attacks pretty much daily).
As normal I have been seeing my doctors and having my routine labs and scans completed. The cancer I had does not have cancer markers to track but could potentially secrete hormones, so they test for those. Although there are several hormones it could secrete, the tumor I had did not secrete any. There is still the possibility that if another tumor began to grow, it could secrete hormones, so they test for those. One of those hormones came up higher than normal recently. They retested and same result. I am waiting to hear what they think. It is likely due to the meds I take for acid reflux (which resulted from the initial surgery), so I'm not real concerned, nor are the doctors, but it certainly added to my almost freak out yesterday...I'm about to further explain.
So on Monday of this week I went for my routine MRI. We never expect to see anything. I initially seemed to have some post traumatic stress from my original diagnosis and experience, but have really gotten past that for the most part. So Kristin (my bff) and I went to the scan and out to lunch as if it were any other day away from the kids (ha ha! That hardly ever happens except for trips to the doctor like this...so we take full advantage).
Well, yesterday evening I received a phone call from my Oncologist. In short they found a blood clot in my hepatic vein (in my liver) on the MRI. Its called Budd-Chiari Syndrome (all blood clots there are diagnosed with this syndrome). She mentioned blood thinners but had concerned because I recently had bleeding that we were not able to conclude why. Of course, I don't just want to be put on blood thinners!
So while this may have absolutely nothing to due with any of my other medical annoyances, they pile up and can freak me out. I've been through so much.
At this point, without major liver damage or multiple blood clots, etc. it is NOT life threatening. Unlike most blood clots, there is no concern here that this could shoot up to my head, heart, lungs, or whatever and take me out. However, we have no idea why I have it yet and it must be taken care of.
So, next week I will see my gastro doc. He said he will probably schedule testing to rule out an intestinal bleeding and my oncologist will run some labs to check for any blood clotting disorders, and I assume check liver enzymes, etc.
Naturally, this whole thing began to freak me out and I cried out to my friends and family for prayer via Facebook and text. And I got it!! (THANK YOU!) As I headed to women's bible study shortly after receiving this news and beginning to panic, I fellowshipped with God and everything changed. Those prayer for peace were answered. Here is what I KNOW....
I KNOW....God is doing glorious things in our lives
I KNOW....that many people are watching what God is doing in our lives
I KNOW....that adopting 2 more special needs orphans and the enemy is MAD! (I am referring to them as orphans here strictly to make my point that they are currently Satans POWs)
I KNOW...that God's work is not done in this adoption and those huge mountains before us are crumbling at even a faster rate than before.
This is a spiritual battle. I can't expect to step out in faith in such a big way, and so publicly and not find ourselves under attack! Satan wants to discourage. He wants to derail. He wants us to curse and blame God. He wants us to turn our back on God.
INSTEAD, however....MANY people bowed their heads and prayed to God for me last night.
INSTEAD....I ran to God
INSTEAD....God's peace and light became more evident
INSTEAD....I put on my boxing gloves and told him to bring it!!
Here was my Facebook status last night:
"Change of plans. There will be no freak out happening. My God has got this! I've put on my boxing gloves and am ready for a throw down with the enemy who obviously is fearing the glorious things my God is doing and about to do in our lives and in the lives of orphans. I know who wins this battle. I know whose side I'm on. Bring it!"
Perhaps Satan sees what is happening in Ukraine with "Flower" as God prepares the way for us. Perhaps Satan sees the approvals happening in Eastern Europe for Alyssa and Piper. Perhaps Satan sees what people are doing to help in the girls' journey home as God prepares their hearts. Perhaps Satan sees the MANY people praying over this adoption, and the faith that is growing in other believers to step out and to trust Him. Perhaps Satan has picked up on how God has been faithful every time and it will be know different this time. Perhaps Satan knows, by what he sees happening, that the mountains before us are about to be obliterated before our eyes.
Today, I'm not scared. It won't work. Today I am determined to disappoint Satan. Nice try, but Gods got this!
(sorry for any typos, no time for spell check!) :)
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Look Who Has a Family!
Aleksa!!
http://reecesrainbow.org/35995/aleksa-28-3
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for Aleksa and for my friend, Dee! Dee knows that God is calling her to adopt this precious angel, and I could not be more excited about it! Then when I saw her on the My Family Found Me page, I had to tell Dee. I told her how I'd been checking Reeces Rainbow everyday and now that she has stepped forward, it is so cool to really see that Aleksa had been waiting for her mama....her God-chosen mama! I'm beyond thrilled for both Dee and Aleksa. Dee has SO much experience with children but will be a first time mom. Oh how my heart rejoices for her, she will be A M A Z I N G !! And how could I not be excited to become family to Aleksa?! Okay, we are not blood or even family on paper, but we (as a family) have a strong relationship with Dee and love her dearly, so as far as we are concerned, she is family!
Please keep praying for Dee and Aleksa! Dee has a lot of commitments to keep over the next few months (all helping special needs children), so dossier preparation, which is all new territory, will be juggled along with the rest. She absolutely will do it, she is anything but a slacker but please pray that God will sustain her and continue to keep her encouraged.
Thank you, Jesus! I'm one happy auntie! :)
http://reecesrainbow.org/35995/aleksa-28-3
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for Aleksa and for my friend, Dee! Dee knows that God is calling her to adopt this precious angel, and I could not be more excited about it! Then when I saw her on the My Family Found Me page, I had to tell Dee. I told her how I'd been checking Reeces Rainbow everyday and now that she has stepped forward, it is so cool to really see that Aleksa had been waiting for her mama....her God-chosen mama! I'm beyond thrilled for both Dee and Aleksa. Dee has SO much experience with children but will be a first time mom. Oh how my heart rejoices for her, she will be A M A Z I N G !! And how could I not be excited to become family to Aleksa?! Okay, we are not blood or even family on paper, but we (as a family) have a strong relationship with Dee and love her dearly, so as far as we are concerned, she is family!
Please keep praying for Dee and Aleksa! Dee has a lot of commitments to keep over the next few months (all helping special needs children), so dossier preparation, which is all new territory, will be juggled along with the rest. She absolutely will do it, she is anything but a slacker but please pray that God will sustain her and continue to keep her encouraged.
Thank you, Jesus! I'm one happy auntie! :)
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Prayers for "Flower"
This is going to be a hard post to write. I just drove home, alone, from dropping Anthony off for his SAT testing and took that opportunity to be in prayer and fellowship with God. Where it lead was not at all what I had been expecting, nor did I anticipate so many tears.
The truth is, we need prayers for "Flower. For those who have not followed our blog through the years, you may need to read back to understand our journey with "Flower." Someday I'll write a post with all of the specific links to to help people read through that journey. In short, she is the little girl we met from Yana's orphanage at age 9, pursued for adoption and lost her more than once due to Ukrainian document (her file) issues, then foster care. We have hosted her twice and visited her in Ukraine while adopting. In our hearts, she IS our daughter. In her heart, WE ARE her family.
We need prayer now because she will be 16 in August (she shares a birthday with "Piper"). While we do not have it all figured out as to how to get her out of foster care, we have some ideas. However, in order for us to pursue any of those ideas, we need to file an I600 before her birthday. It would be best if we have I600a APPROVAL before her birthday as well to be sure nothing stops that door from staying open. The I600 filing and I600a approval before her 16th birthday would leave the door open for us to find a way to adopt her for another year! Without it, all chances are gone.
I won't go into detail now but I believe God promised me that she would be with us. Over the years, I've convinced myself that sometimes God does not mean on this side of Heaven and have been okay with that, although without certainty that that is the case, I have not given up. We promised her we never would.
It's been EXTREMELY difficult for our family, over the years, dealing with all of the obstacles and separateness from her. Praying fervently is no longer possible because it is sooo painful. I pray about it periodically and have to trust that the Lord knows and leave it at that.
The thought of still needing something like $6400 right now to travel in a few weeks to meet the little girls, then coming home and needing another $670 right away to file for their I800 AND needing probably $1500 for a homestudy update and I600a IMMEDIATELY due to lack of time before "Flower's" 16th birthday, is overwhelming. I just cannot even allow myself to think about it, because it's too big! The thought of it all causes a tremendous crushing feeling on my chest and shoulders. But today, I did cry out to the Lord and pleaded with Him to please lift this burden TODAY. We need these funds!
I know God has a plan. I know its all about growing our faith. I know His will will happen in His perfect timing. But I'm telling you, I cannot pray or think about this regularly. I just can't. I won't be able to breath.
So please please please! Will you pray for "Flower" for us? The prayers need to be going up, time is running out. I don't know what God's plan is. It all seems like so much, too much but I know our God is huge. I know that anything is possible, so I refuse to give up hope.
I've never posted pictures of her before on here but this one time (until she is ours or an adult), I will.
.jpg)
The truth is, we need prayers for "Flower. For those who have not followed our blog through the years, you may need to read back to understand our journey with "Flower." Someday I'll write a post with all of the specific links to to help people read through that journey. In short, she is the little girl we met from Yana's orphanage at age 9, pursued for adoption and lost her more than once due to Ukrainian document (her file) issues, then foster care. We have hosted her twice and visited her in Ukraine while adopting. In our hearts, she IS our daughter. In her heart, WE ARE her family.
We need prayer now because she will be 16 in August (she shares a birthday with "Piper"). While we do not have it all figured out as to how to get her out of foster care, we have some ideas. However, in order for us to pursue any of those ideas, we need to file an I600 before her birthday. It would be best if we have I600a APPROVAL before her birthday as well to be sure nothing stops that door from staying open. The I600 filing and I600a approval before her 16th birthday would leave the door open for us to find a way to adopt her for another year! Without it, all chances are gone.
I won't go into detail now but I believe God promised me that she would be with us. Over the years, I've convinced myself that sometimes God does not mean on this side of Heaven and have been okay with that, although without certainty that that is the case, I have not given up. We promised her we never would.
It's been EXTREMELY difficult for our family, over the years, dealing with all of the obstacles and separateness from her. Praying fervently is no longer possible because it is sooo painful. I pray about it periodically and have to trust that the Lord knows and leave it at that.
The thought of still needing something like $6400 right now to travel in a few weeks to meet the little girls, then coming home and needing another $670 right away to file for their I800 AND needing probably $1500 for a homestudy update and I600a IMMEDIATELY due to lack of time before "Flower's" 16th birthday, is overwhelming. I just cannot even allow myself to think about it, because it's too big! The thought of it all causes a tremendous crushing feeling on my chest and shoulders. But today, I did cry out to the Lord and pleaded with Him to please lift this burden TODAY. We need these funds!
I know God has a plan. I know its all about growing our faith. I know His will will happen in His perfect timing. But I'm telling you, I cannot pray or think about this regularly. I just can't. I won't be able to breath.
So please please please! Will you pray for "Flower" for us? The prayers need to be going up, time is running out. I don't know what God's plan is. It all seems like so much, too much but I know our God is huge. I know that anything is possible, so I refuse to give up hope.
I've never posted pictures of her before on here but this one time (until she is ours or an adult), I will.
Spring 2006 at the orphanage (she's on the right)
Age 9
Summer 2006 in Ohio (me and "Flower"...ignore my awful hair and shiney face)
A few weeks shy of 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (with Papa)
Age 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (with Yana)
Age 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (with Chris, Anthony and Yana)
Age 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (with Papa)
Age 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (with Samantha)
Age 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (with Anthony)
Age 10
Winter 2006/2007 during hosting with us (kisses with Mama)
Age 10
Winter 2007/2008 Our Home (with Yana)
Age 11
.jpg)
Fall 2010 in Ukraine (with Mama & Papa)
Age 14
Thursday, May 3, 2012
A Change...
As you came to our blog tonight, you may have noticed a change in colors and numbers of our PHASE 3 funds needed and funds thermometer. I'm trying not to be discouraged by the fact that I had to increase the total so much due to having left out the visa costs and air fare being DOUBLE what I had anticipated....and I can't even book my flights 4 weeks out!
The way God has been conquering this mountain through this adoption has been nothing short of amazing! In our previous 2 adoptions, we received VERY LARGE sums of money to assist in the process and I wondered where in the world the money would fall from this time. But this time, the money has been coming from every which way; I'm talking about from people we have never met, church family, friends and even people I knew in junior high and high school!! It has been so cool and so fun to see. Even $20 donations are making such a HUGE impact because it all adds up!!
So, I'm trying to remind myself that while I was excited that our mountain for trip one was thought to be down to $5,000 and is now back up to $6,400 (if my math is right, because it seems like it should be more), that in God's view, the mountain is no greater.
Thank you soooo much, and I really, truly, sincerely mean it, thank you SO much for joining together to bring Alyssa and "Piper" home. I am just beyond thrilled to think of being there this time next month to not only meet these precious children and hold them in my arms but to also celebrate Alyssa's birthday with her. I went through Marni and Nadia's clothes, boxing up and putting aside clothes for Alyssa and Piper...what a wonderful feeling that was, to be preparing for them. Wow!
So please continue to keep the girls and their journey home in prayer. If we continue to work together as the hands and feet of Jesus, to get them home, IT WILL HAPPEN!!
Love and Gratitude,
M
The way God has been conquering this mountain through this adoption has been nothing short of amazing! In our previous 2 adoptions, we received VERY LARGE sums of money to assist in the process and I wondered where in the world the money would fall from this time. But this time, the money has been coming from every which way; I'm talking about from people we have never met, church family, friends and even people I knew in junior high and high school!! It has been so cool and so fun to see. Even $20 donations are making such a HUGE impact because it all adds up!!
So, I'm trying to remind myself that while I was excited that our mountain for trip one was thought to be down to $5,000 and is now back up to $6,400 (if my math is right, because it seems like it should be more), that in God's view, the mountain is no greater.
Thank you soooo much, and I really, truly, sincerely mean it, thank you SO much for joining together to bring Alyssa and "Piper" home. I am just beyond thrilled to think of being there this time next month to not only meet these precious children and hold them in my arms but to also celebrate Alyssa's birthday with her. I went through Marni and Nadia's clothes, boxing up and putting aside clothes for Alyssa and Piper...what a wonderful feeling that was, to be preparing for them. Wow!
So please continue to keep the girls and their journey home in prayer. If we continue to work together as the hands and feet of Jesus, to get them home, IT WILL HAPPEN!!
Love and Gratitude,
M
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
UP, UP, UP!!
That's what our fundraiser thermometer has been doing the past few days, going up, up, up! Thank you, Lord Jesus!
Yesterday we received $75, $20 and $25 donations! Today we've received $75 more!!
I am hopeful the momentum will not stop but that this mountain will continue to crumble before us.
Know what I learned when I snuck back over to Julia's blog to read the comments yesterday on her posts about the repeat adoptive families in which we were one of the families featured? I learned that the $10 donation made on Sunday morning was prayed over. That person blessed each of the families featured, with $10 AND prayed that the Lord would multiply what was given. And what was the very next donation we unexpectedly received? It was the $1,000 donation from someone in our church family! AND the funds continue to trickle in!! People, this is NOT a coincidence...THIS IS GOD!
I truly believe that the $10 and prayer (any and all the prayers being said for Alyssa and Piper's journey home) is what is moving this mountain!
I would say that in addition to that, that God blesses faithfulness. When He places a burden on our heart to give, we have been doing it without hesitation TRUSTING HIM to bless those on the receiving end, and to bless our adoption needs as we need it. And He has been faithful to do so EVERY. STINKIN'. TIME!
Want to here about my dilemma? Thank you cards. yup, can't seem to keep up because the donations are coming from every which way. That's awesome, just amazing how God is working but I feel horrible for not keeping up better. So I may need to change up my idea of what qualifies as a suitable THANK YOU note or card. I'm working through some ideas in my head. I don't want anyone to even think for a minute we aren't appreciative and incredibly grateful.
And lastly, my friend is still seriously considering and praying about adopting the little girl on RR that stole my heart. I am praying like crazy that God will speak clearly and she will be obedient to whatever He has called her to do. I'm excited and hopeful. Please pray for D!
Yesterday we received $75, $20 and $25 donations! Today we've received $75 more!!
I am hopeful the momentum will not stop but that this mountain will continue to crumble before us.
Know what I learned when I snuck back over to Julia's blog to read the comments yesterday on her posts about the repeat adoptive families in which we were one of the families featured? I learned that the $10 donation made on Sunday morning was prayed over. That person blessed each of the families featured, with $10 AND prayed that the Lord would multiply what was given. And what was the very next donation we unexpectedly received? It was the $1,000 donation from someone in our church family! AND the funds continue to trickle in!! People, this is NOT a coincidence...THIS IS GOD!
I truly believe that the $10 and prayer (any and all the prayers being said for Alyssa and Piper's journey home) is what is moving this mountain!
I would say that in addition to that, that God blesses faithfulness. When He places a burden on our heart to give, we have been doing it without hesitation TRUSTING HIM to bless those on the receiving end, and to bless our adoption needs as we need it. And He has been faithful to do so EVERY. STINKIN'. TIME!
Want to here about my dilemma? Thank you cards. yup, can't seem to keep up because the donations are coming from every which way. That's awesome, just amazing how God is working but I feel horrible for not keeping up better. So I may need to change up my idea of what qualifies as a suitable THANK YOU note or card. I'm working through some ideas in my head. I don't want anyone to even think for a minute we aren't appreciative and incredibly grateful.
And lastly, my friend is still seriously considering and praying about adopting the little girl on RR that stole my heart. I am praying like crazy that God will speak clearly and she will be obedient to whatever He has called her to do. I'm excited and hopeful. Please pray for D!
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