Parenting Requires Flexibility

Well, after a semester and 3 weeks in public school, we have determined that Yana and Olya are best schooled at home.

At the start of the school year all 4 girls were enrolled in a public charter school that taught grades K-9. I didn't feel comfortable putting the older girls in the high school (9-12th grades) with Anthony and Ivan; I just didn't believe they were ready for the high school atmosphere.

The charter school was a nightmare. It was not at all like we had hoped, but that was mainly due to those running the special educations department. The school discriminated against our children and did not want to provide services. We really should have filed a lawsuit, as we had intended, but time and energy were not enough left to spare, so we did not.

Knowing that we are zoned for a pretty great school district, we decided we would transfer the big girls to the high school (where Ivan and Anthony were already attending) and put the little girls in the local elementary school (although now they attend two different schools in our district due to their different needs and the location of the 2 self-contained classrooms).

The boys are really doing well in the high school. Ivan is working hard and made honor roll last semester. Anthony is more motivated than I have ever seen him be in his life; he has drive, focus and really built up his self-esteem (he really needed that).

Yana and Olya, however, are way social....too social. They went into school with maybe too much innocence. They did not evaluate people and situations before starting relationships and just aren't wise in their friend choices. There was one "incident" at school recently with one of the girls, after being taunted over and over again by a "friend" who has previously claimed to be a vampire. ??? Rumor has it that she has stopped hissing!! Really?! But when the most recent friendship was revealed about a boy who has a questionable pastime and I confronted my daughter, her response was "but he's nice to me," our concerns grew even greater.

All 4 of my teens are good kids. They are not perfect kids, but they really are good kids. They also have some really wonderful friends in our local homeschool group. Due to their new school schedule, they haven't really had any time to spend with these great kids and their families. We all really miss that.

So, we made a family decision (the girls are in agreement) that we would bring Olya and Yana back home to be homeschooled. My only hesitation is added stress. Seriously, I enjoy going to college and I don't want to get to a point where I feel overwhelmed and unable to breath. After talking to a friend of mine, who is also a homeschool mom and has 6 wonderful children who are friends with my children, I realize this really should be very doable. It also should be very different only having the 2 big girls home and everyone else off at school.

We really are so blessed to have this option. Someone said to me, "Well, you can't control them (or protect them...can't remember) forever." That is correct. Actually, I can't truly control any kid or person now or fully protect them. What I can do though, is make a choice to guide and educate my children the best way I know how for each child's individual need. What I can't allow myself to do is throw my hands in the air and just accept that this is a part of life. Why, in our situation with the options we have, would I wait for my girls to be in a position where they feel like they cannot even keep their heads above water because they have gone down a path that they can't find their way back from? They WILL be out on their own someday, and I have such a short amount of time to help them lay the foundations they will need to stand on for the rest of their lives. I've already missed the first 10 yrs of Yana's life and the first 11.5 yrs of Olya's.

When I was a teen, I ran full speed down the wrong path. I spent many night crying my eyes out with my best friend at the time because we didn't have the strength or will to stop ourselves and we so desperately wished that someone else would save us from ourselves. I cannot pretend I don't have the responsibility or ability as a parent to care for my girls (or any of my kids) the way they need me to. If I cannot or choose not, then I shouldn't have signed up for this.

Honestly, both Yana and Olya seem to be relieved from having to figure this all out right now and to come home, where it is safe. I know there will be skeptics out there that will think I am doing them an injustice because they need to learn. They do need to learn, and they will. However, it doesn't have to be today...they are not ready for it to be today. We must expect that when we adopt formally institutionalized children with trauma pasts, they will have areas of delay...most commonly social delays. There is no need to rush their progress. I believe in most situations (I would never assume all) that with the right time, love and care, that progress will come even if it is after that of their "typical" peers. This is not a competition or a race, its life! Let's do what is right for today, considering whats ahead of us tomorrow, knowing God holds each day in His hands.

So while we may need some time for adjustment, and I am a little nervous that this will be more stressful than I would want it to be, I truly believe it is for the best and believe that I will find it to be not as stressful as I am anticipating it to be. Let's pray! ;)