There isn't too much I can say to "plead my case" for "XOXO" (another little girl with Ds), because from a worldview, it's crazy.
From a worldview, we need to consider all of the added stressors, needs, inconveniences.
We need to worry about time, money, comfort and consider a real lifetime of this and that.
From a worldview on things, we shouldn't adopt Alyssa or "Flower".
From a worldview, we should have never adopted Yana (she was nearly 10!); adopting Nadia was insane and stupid; adopting Olya and Ivan was really pushing it, two more kids and one a teenage boy?! And then Marni, we must have dumber than dumb to think that adopting her would be a good idea. (all this BEFORE we adopted them, of course)
But we haven't done any of these things because WE wanted to, even if we thought we did. We did it because God put it in our hearts to and we trusted Him. He shutdown adoptions of children that weren't meant to be ours ("Faith", "Grace", the other sibling group, the two best friend teen boys!) And with each of those paths, God led us to the children HE chose for us. We didn't force anything to happen or even try to because we are always in prayer about doing His will and wanting the children HE chose for us.
I truly believe God showed me, in my heart, that there would be another child for us in the country Alyssa is in. I thought "No stinkin' way!! Insanity!!"
But He changed my heart to "okay God, if it's your will, I will trust you".
Then I learned about "XOXO" and prayed about it. The next day (yesterday) a feeling of excitement and certainty (though we can never be 100% sure until it's a done deal) that WE are suppose to adopt her. That SHE is our daughter too. Now my heart yearns for her...I believe because she is suppposed to be our daughter.
I've been praying that if it is His will for us to adopt her, He would touch Dan's heart, help to calm any fears. If it is not, that He would take this desire from me, change my heart. I almost wanted to wake up this morning feeling different, but I don't. I am grieving actually because I hoped last night would go differently.
Another child sounds over the top, but they all sounded the same way. When I think about how much I love our littles and how stinkin' blessed we are, I can't help but feel "YES, LORD! Yes, I will accept another blessing from you! Thank you for choosing us!!" That's truly how I feel.
I know He will provide and work out all of the details of our lives whether we have no children, 1 child, 9,10, 11 or 20!
Please, please, please pray with us for discernment. I know Dan is busy with work and tired but we don't need thought, we need prayer.
I am sitting at the edge of my seat praying too, waiting for Dan to hear from the Lord, for Him to touch his heart....or mine.