Not Convinced

I know it sounds crazy. It even sounds a little bit crazy to me but the truth is, I'm not convinced that we won't end up adopting 2 children when we adopt Alyssa. I just have this unexplainable feeling that another little girl's profile is going to cross our path and that other unexplainable feelingthat, "she is our daughter too!" will hit me. Dan says he doesn't believe it but that's okay, he's usually a step behind me in this stuff :) However, he has always gotten on board quickly when it was God leading. God touches his heart, not me.

There was this adorable little girl on Reece's Rainbow that I've been interested in but part of me kept thinking she might need a little more time and attention than what we could give...in addition to Dan saying, "she's cute...but she's not our daughter." I am SO VERY happy that another family has stepped up to pursue her and is over the top excited about it. I can't help but wonder if this isn't God preparing my heart for another AND showing me that it's not about me caring about a specific child that I see but will be about MY child, the one He has chosen for us.

Of course, I can't be certain that there is another one waiting for us over there. But as I've said to Dan, don't be surprised if we find out there this.

And does this sound crazy to me? Absolutely! For one, we don't even have the money yet for the one we are headed for. 2, if we can get "Flower" from Ukraine (in addition to adopting Alyssa from the other EE country), that will already make a total of 10 kids (although 2 are already young adults out on their own). But I know all things are possible with God. And I look it like this, other than when we adopted Olya and Ivan, we adopted one at a time. I believe God planned it that way for many reasons but He COULD have called us to adopt them all at once or multiple kids at the same time...those same kids He chose to be our children from before we were born. So couldn't He plan for multiple kids for this adoption, rather than having us go back later (not that we are "planning" to at this point)?

The thing is, I don't necessarily WANT to adopt multiple kids. I mean, I'm open to it and I trust God but it's not that I have a particularly number of kids that I desire to adopt now, and I'm done guessing or saying, "we're done!" The truth is, we are not done until He says we are done. And quite obviously, we're not done. ;)