So last night I was reading my Bible, kind of just flipping through really, and spotted some personal notes and highlighting in Exodus. I decided to leave my Bible open to these two pages for a while, so I will read it often. Here is some of what was highlighted with notes:
13...don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today...
14 The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.
MY NOTES: "Trust when the LORD leads"
31 When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the LORD had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the LORD ...
MY NOTES: "Without this trial, there would have been missed oppurtunity to come to know the LORD greater & increasing their faith as they began to recognize, truly, His awesome power."
The LORD didn't part the sea 11 weeks before they got to it, He did when they got there. There were trials but ONLY for His glory and their benefit.
I realize that adopting "Flower" might not be His will, I get that more than you can imagine. You just have to understand the many prayers He answered and the many doors HE opened that we did not go looking for after our adoption crashed last year. It hurt when that happened but we accepted it. For those who have been with us, seeing God's hand in this (even from the beginning or from the 2nd beginning) find it hard to believe it is not His will. Of course, we can't put God in a box, we really won't know until we get there. But most people agree that this is about faith and that's makes the struggle even greater because I can't seem to get my mind around, "It's just not His will". If this is about faith that He will take care of this, then I would be mistaken to come to the point now where I say it is not His will, we truly won't know until we are in Ukraine, which makes it more difficult because, how do we greive a loss we don't know that we have lost yet? How do we not live the next few months in denial, but keep faith that He could still work this out?
The problem is, I am putting my hope in the situation not my hope in Him alone. I know this. So I will continue to pray for His help in this area.
Anyway, I feel better today. I am excited about "Hope" (whether it turns out to be the little girl we know of with CP or another child we have yet to learn about) and am excited about bringing home our child(ren).